Excuse Me God, This Is Not What I Signed Up For

If you would have told me, I’d be teaching 3-5 snotty-year-olds at my mother’s preschool as a living I would have laughed at you pretty hard. This is far from where I’m supposed to be. This is not part of the plan. But somehow here I am singing the ABC’s song for the 10th time this week. Did I not work hard enough? Was I not dedicated enough? Surely, this is not what I’m destined for


I landed a job, quit school, the job ended, and 4 months later I’m back at home working as a preschool teacher (pro bono) I’m not getting paid for it. I met a lovely young man at work who genuinely loved and cared for me unconditionally. I managed to end the relationship and break his heart 6 months later because it felt like a job and I was mean to him. Tried rekindling with an old flame a few months later and he was a douche. Never trust a man who doesn’t offer you something to drink let alone food the first time you go over to his place. My job coming to an end meant the friendships and acquaintances I had also coming to an end. None of them made it outside of work unfortunately. This all could have been a ME problem which it is PARTLY but how could I have single-handedly been responsible for my life looking nothing like my five-year plan

It Is so easy to focus on the negative, on what we supposed to have done but what about what we did do??

I worked for the first time in my life, it wasn’t easy but it was amazing. I’m proud of the fact that I got through it with my head held up high. The relationship taught me a lot about myself, about my unhealed trauma and toxic traits. I got to experience love in its purest form and I also got to love someone. It was absolutely beautiful. I met a lot of great women and men at work who challenged my way of thinking and how I viewed the world. The list is endless to be quite honest, the most important thing is I got through it and I did everything with love. This new season of my life is preparing me for my big break which could take years but in the meantime, I get to live in the moment and appreciate my kiddos because they have taught me patience and another form of unconditional love. It may take a while to find whatever it is that I’m seeking but when it shows up I will know.

9 thoughts on “Excuse Me God, This Is Not What I Signed Up For

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